Tuesday, 27 January 2015

The rule of asshole equality

The rule of asshole equality is probably the most important rule ever conceived by man.

A lack of understanding of this rule could possibly be the basis of all the world’s problems.

The rule states that: there are an equal percentage of assholes for any given group that someone is born into.

Say your mother and father are Catholic this would be a group you were born into. It does not apply to a group you join later in life like the Ku Klux Klan.

I’ll give you some practical examples. Say 10% of people are assholes.

In multicultural societies it can be difficult to pin down exactly what group someone is born into, but the principle still applies. Lucky for me I have a really obvious group I was born into, I have muscular dystrophy and use an electric wheelchair. So you can say 10% of my fellow muscular dystrophy sufferers are arseholes.

Similarly 10% of your family are most likely arseholes. Most families have that special someone that no one else in the family really likes. You know, that uncle that drinks too much at the Christmas party and tries to grope your girlfriend.

At this point you might be saying, “So what I knew that already, why is this important?” Racism and other forms of bigotry such as homophobia or islamophobia are all caused by a lack of understanding of the “rule of asshole equality”. Because only 10% of homosexuals are arseholes and only 10% of Muslims are arseholes likewise 10% of your own group are arseholes. We are all the same, people are just people and some are arseholes and they are spread around equally. This rule applies to everyone - even You - do not forget that.

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